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5 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Updated: Feb 10, 2022

Emotional intelligence is something we all subconsciously or consciously develop throughout our lives simply through learning and developing as a person. Our own emotional intelligence depends on many factors in our life such as upbringing, environment, socialisation, etc. Learning and understanding our emotions and how we cope, as well as learning about those around us, can be a great gateway to creating ideal work environments, better friendships or relationships, and overall a healthier mindset. So here are 5 mentalities to think about that should help you improve your emotional intelligence. 1) Realise that the bad behavior of others tends to come down to fear. It’s easy to assume that when people behave negatively towards you or another, that they are simply a bad person with only bad intentions and nothing more. When learning about emotional intelligence, it's time to stop taking the easy path and truly think deeper about situations. We must leave behind the self-righteousness mindset and stop seeing the world in such a black and white way. That being, that there are only good and bad people. Humans are far more complicated and interesting than that and we all work in so many different ways for countless reasons, which means it is unlikely that someone is simply bad and thus does bad things. As we know in Sigmund Freud’s theory, he focused greatly on how even childhood experiences can have a great effect on how someone may act when they are an adult so it is important to consider the current experiences having a greater impact on behavior. 2) Realise the enormous influence of the small things on your own and others’ well-being The small things include aspects such as sleep schedule, blood sugar and alcohol levels, background stress, and so on. Being aware of these things will then help you to be more aware of when to, and when not to bring up important and potentially stress-inducing issues with a loved one until everyone is well-rested, no one is drunk, you’ve had plenty of food, nothing else is causing stress and there are no other distracting factors. Doing so will allow both or all parties involved to think far clearer and more rationally about the issue at hand and this will then hopefully lead to a better outcome with a well thought through solution with as little arguing and tension in between, depending on the topic. Of course, others may not have the equal emotional intelligence to do this same thing but you will for sure be able to encourage this to other people and perhaps help them implement it into their own life as it does greatly help with problem solving. 3) Do not believe in perfection In our lives and especially in today’s media people seem to be on a constant strive for perfection, how to be the perfect worker, what makes the perfect boss and such. The reality is that perfection does not exist, for one, no one likes everyone and we must realise it is impossible to please and get along with every person we meet through business or even casual matters. But what we can believe in is the possibility to grow and improve, to learn that even mistakes have their value, they may point out flaws in other sectors that you had never realised were there. What you may want to focus on instead is simply, what’s “good enough” rather than perfection. As frustrating as some things may be, you could potentially find when not striving for perfection that they are in fact, good enough. 4) Learn that everyone’s weaknesses are linked to counterbalancing No matter how many weaknesses someone may have, they will always have their counter-balancing strengths, having this mindset entails that instead of isolating their weakness and perhaps then thinking lowly of them, you are able to see the full picture and notice they are more than the weakness currently standing out. For example, someone may be incredibly pedantic but they are then incredibly precise and provide great feedback on details others may have missed. Every weakness will be tagged to a strength, another example being those who tend to be quite messy often have incredibly creative minds. This again leads back to point 3, by learning about counterbalance you are truly realising that no one is perfect. This doesn’t have to be an issue though since people succeed in plenty of different areas, it would be completely unfair to plaster one weakness above all the possible strengths which are far more valuable to focus on. Amomama tells about the teacher who wrote one wrong math equation on the board amongst 9 other correct answers, all students laughed and pointed out the obvious mistake which had been done on purpose. This was a lesson to show how even though there were 9 correct answers, there were no congratulations, only focus on the one mistake, “People will rarely appreciate the good you do several times but will be quick to criticise when you make one mistake” it’s time to switch to the modern mindset and stop focusing on the one weakness, one mistake or one bad quality. 5) Be aware of the things that could make you a difficult person to other people It’s time to now put the same sentimentality from the other points onto yourself, understand your own weaknesses but also accept them, learn from them. One way of doing this for instance is when going into a new relationship you may want to offer forewarnings to how and when you potentially could prove to be a challenge to them or even yourself, together you will likely come up with some good solutions in preparation if these were to occur in the future or maybe you’ll find out aren’t as compatible as originally thought, which is totally okay! Understanding yourself and how you work is guaranteed to help you better recognise others and how they themselves work, which leads to knowing how to best treat and/or help everyone individually. If you would like to learn more about emotional intelligence, there is an incredibly helpful video on 20 signs you’re emotionally mature which was used as a source for some of the points I made here.


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