Updated: May 17
The negative cycle in our minds isn’t something that will change overnight. Due to our brains negative bias through the survival mechanism, to change it is going to take some action from us. This will help us to manage our emotions effectively and recondition our mind to a positive state. 80% of the thoughts we have are negative, so it is vitally important to recondition our minds to a more positive and balanced state.
These steps will help us to improve our emotional intelligence and programme a new focus to improve our wellbeing. Think about the emotions you want to feel… motivated? Excited? Satisfied? Fulfilled? Confident? Accomplished? It is possible to produce these feelings more than you currently do. Although it is a ritual or cycle that can be followed over time to achieve this.
Here are the 5 steps that are recommended -
If you know a lot about the happiness trap, you will remember that our brains, after around 90 days, will become comfortable and unsatisfied with what we already have or have accomplished. We can lose sight of what we already have as well as those people that are in less fortunate than ourselves. Follow these steps –
· Write down a list of everything you are grateful for this can include -
o A list of the people in your life that have added value to it, maybe teachers, family members, managers, leaders or friends. Maybe they taught you something, maybe they made you feel great, maybe they empowered you.
o Objects that you are grateful for and how they benefit you as well as others.
· Research has found that by reviewing what we are grateful for every day for 7 days we feel happier and the symptoms of anxiety or depression are reduced.
2. Motivation & Excitement
“If we aim at nothing, we will hit it” this quote is so true and when we don’t set even small goals for ourselves it does nothing for our level of excitement or motivation. Setting goals for yourself can be one of the best things you can do for your mood.
Here are some steps to follow -
· Write down what you want to achieve (big or small)
· Visualise it. Really close your eyes and imagine what it will look like to achieve it. What month is it? What can you see? How does it feel? What day and time is it? Then write this down next to your goal.
· Keep the goal close by – in your wallet, next to your bed and read it daily.
· Create a vision board. Cut out, paint, draw and put together a vision board for what you want to achieve. Make it as big and bold as you like. Imagine looking back on this in 5 years to see everything you wanted to achieve.
The secret to confidence is in 'doing' and is a state of mind. It is recognising that when you made the nervous and courageous steps to do something that it went better than expected. Then repeating the decision-making process to reconfirm that it was a positive result. The difficulty can be in finding courage in the first place. We can start by being encouraged by ourselves as well as others. To encourage yourself today ask yourself - who is the most confident person that you can think of? What makes them appear confident? How do they stand? How do they speak? Now pretend to act it out… adopt a power pose for 2 minutes and acting out the process of being confident can increase your confidence up to 80%. What are you waiting for? Give it a go today!
4. Self - Esteem
Due to negative bias, our brain will focus on the things that we didn’t achieve or failed at. We have to remember to hang on to the accomplishments and tell our brain to recognise them. Every day or at least once a week, write down everything that you have accomplished. Big or small, write them all. You might not think that it is much but the more you acknowledge the things you achieve the happier you will feel.
Often, we can stall about making decisions, our brain fears the rejection, the problems and what can go wrong. Especially when it impacts others. We want to have great relationships with others and often avoid conflict.
It’s this mindset that can paralyse us from making decisions. Saying things to ourselves like “I don’t want to make a mistake” or “I don’t want any more problems”. This is unrealistic.
Approach the decisions in your life with the thought that problems and mistakes are a part of life that we cannot control we can only approach our decisions with the best of intentions. Come back to your intentions. Why are you doing what you are about to do and what difference will it make to you? If the intention is right, then you are halfway there.
Give these 5 steps a go and see the results. Continue to repeat them and see the difference that it makes to your life. Your emotional intelligence will improve, your relationships, your mental wellbeing, and the success you receive.
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